


Mine

by Senfree



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry Kíli, Brotherly Love, Content endings, Distrust of elves, Doesn't focus on romance, Emotional, Everybody Lives, F/M, Fili without Kili (it's sad), Fíli-centric, Gen, Hurt Fíli, Hurt/Comfort, Intentionaly slightly out of character, Long after The Battle of Five Armies, Mistakes, Misunderstandings, Pregnancy, Stubborn Fili, Stubborn Thorin, Time Gap, Understnading, other character mentions - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 00:18:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2526998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senfree/pseuds/Senfree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili can't stand it.</p><p>Now Fili can't sleep. </p><p>He lost something because he didn't want to lose it. He may not ever have it again, and he knows it's his fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mine

Fili stared out at the land, blank expression on his face.

They had won, they had the mountain. Thorin was king. Fili was crown prince.

And Kili...

Fili turned his eyes away from the burnt trees, ash and rubble left in front of the mountain to the earth directly in front of his worn boots. He thought of his brother; his little baby brother. The look on his face when he left.

Thorin had admitted how he had been wrong, how unjust his actions under gold-fever had been. That it hadn't mattered if the elves were there. He should have helped the men of Laketown.

He even acknowledged the help the elves gave in The Battle of Five Armies. There would have been a lot more death if the elves had slunk back into their forest. Even some of the elves themselves had lost their lives in the battle. And it was indeed a sharp piece of information, that immortal elves could die.

Of course Fili knew it was possible. But knowing something was possible and actually seeing it happen were two different things.

Fili swallowed as he felt the hollow feeling in his chest. He could not keep his thoughts in order, his mind going over the battle, things that happened before, after, and again; the look on Kili's face when he had left. But it was in an order of chaos, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to piece it together. 

This whole journey had been one disastrous event after another; and he couldn't bring himself to properly think of any of them.

But it always came back to the elves. 

...

Fili himself didn't trust elves. Maybe it was Thorin's stories. Or it could have been Dwalin or Gloin, the way the two warriors always spoke of them; "Never trust an elf!" they'd say. He had never trusted them before, and he definitely didn't trust them after being tossed in a prison cell for weeks on end.

Though his brother seemed to enjoy it.

Fili scowled at his feet. 

The elf-maid who had saved his brother's life in Laketown, even going against her prince's orders to follow him. Oin's words of praise and awe being the first positive thing he'd ever heard about elves from a fellow dwarf in all his life. His mother may have never spoken particularly harsh about elves, but she never spoke in their favor either.

The red haired elf lass, the lass Kili claimed to be his One. 

Fili pursed his lips, fists slightly clenching at his sides. 

Fili could never really say anything bad about her in general, she was the reason Kili was even alive. Even though he had almost lost his life in the battle after anyways.

He didn't bother trying to remember her name, even with Kili practically singing it. 

Fili felt a sick feeling in his stomach. 

How could he leave? 

Fili remembered the shock he'd felt when Kili had told everyone that he had found his One. He was barely even of age. What did his baby brother know of love? What if it was a mistake, just a childish crush? He was hardly old enough to know for certain that this was his true and final One. Except that he did... Dwarfs always knew when they find their Ones.

What about all they had fought for, all they had gone through, to finally live in the mountain, the home they'd always heard about?

Thorin, even with his admittance towards his mistakes, and gratefulness to the help of the elves, had been disturbed by the news from his nephew. "She's an elf!" The blank stare Kili gave their uncle would have been funny. Only it wasn't. None of this was funny. Thorin would not have an elf living with them, did not want his sister-son marrying one.

What about their mother? She hadn't even wanted them to leave, to go with Thorin on this quest she thought to be insane. If she had seen how many times his and Kili's lives had been put in danger, she probably would have locked him and Kili in a prison herself, just to keep them out of harms way. And now her son was gone, he'd barely had the chance to say hello to her before he was running off with the elf. 

The argument lasted days. 

Kili kept coming to Fili, trying to get some comfort, some level of understanding out of his brother; but Fili could barely meet his eyes, couldn't understand. He didn't even want to think about it. Kili tried to explain his feelings, trying to remind them; "Dwarfs only love once, you know this! How can you forbid me from being with her when you know this will never happen again, that I'll never be happy with anyone else!" But Fili couldn't bring himself to listen. 

And Thorin didn't listen at all.

And what about him? Fili? Kili's big brother, the one who had been there pretty much all his life? They had done everything together. From misadventures to real adventures. From small injuries to big ones. Through their biggest hardships, when they had barely anything to eat, and when the had enough food that they could have a small feast of celebration, sharing in joy and love with their family.

Fili and Kili, brothers bonded though thick and thin. 

Fili screwed his eyes shut, knuckles going white as his fists tightened, fingernails digging into his palms.

Thorin told him to cut ties with the elf. They could have elves as allies, but he would not accept this union. Kili looked upon Thorin with still and quiet anger that should have told them both more than enough about how serious this statement had been to the young dwarf.

Kili moved his eyes to his brother's form. Fili glanced away. 

He shouldn't of glanced away. He should have listened to his brother when he had come to him. He should have tried to be understanding. Should have tried to be supportive.

He shouldn't have been so selfish.

That wasn't him. That wasn't who he was. He was there for his brother, he was the one Kili could always come to. He would be the one to lift Kili up when he was down. To protect Kili when he couldn't protect himself. To laugh with him when things got too serious. Get into trouble with him, even if it meant facing Thorin's scowls.

But he had turned away from Kili. 

And even knowing that he had made a mistake, he couldn't bring himself to go to Kili. 

He knew where he was, but it didn't matter. If he went to Kili, Thorin wouldn't change his mind. And he would still have to let Kili go. His brother who was always right there. The one who knew him better than anyone else, the one who he would do anything for... Had his One. Kili wasn't just his anymore, didn't depend on him anymore. Wouldn't come to him with his big, brown eyes for anything that he needed.

Fili sighed.

His life would never be the same without his little brother. He was the light in his life. Now he was her light. She got to hear the laughter, would get to know how he ticked. He would give her everything, as dwarfs give their Ones. 

He was tired of thinking. He felt like his mind was going in circles. His hands had gone limp at his sides. Eyes open and lowered to his boots, lips loose. His heart sunk low and empty. His whole body sagged with weight. 

He didn't want to move.

But, eventually, he did.

__

It had been at least two years since Kili had left. It was probably his anger that kept him from visiting. Not even coming to see their mother. Though she had gone to see him, from time to time. 

Thorin did not bend on his opinion. Though, even he seemed to be effected by his choice. Their lives were just not as joyful without Kili. He really had been the life of the family. The ever smiling one. Thorin was always serious, and so deeply carved in his ways that without Kili he seemed more like a gloomy thunder cloud than a king.

Dis had lost so much in her life, even with her great strength and a well voiced opinion and will, she seemed solemn and quiet. Even with her motherly kindness and her warm comfort, she could not fill the cold emptiness that was where Kili used to be.

As for Fili, he had unintentionally taken after his uncle. It was no small amount of pride, stubbornness and a some selfishness that kept him from going to Kili. He had allowed himself to be engrossed in whatever duties were tossed at him, using them as excuses not to make amends. What used to be a loyal and quietly loving personality seemed to have been filled with a shell of a dwarf. The longer he spent away from his brother the less he seemed to be himself, refusing himself even the time to think. He didn't even give himself the time to sleep, for his dreams were always filled with his little brother, and he could not bring himself to give in to the ritual of waking with tears in his eyes night after night.

He sat in the library, studying for something or another, or rather, he was supposed to. But the lack of sleep had caught up with his brain and he was more blankly staring at the book in front of him, not even bothering to pretend to read it. His eyes sticking to a single spot on the page. Unaware that he had unintentionally stopped on the word 'brotherhood'. 

Dis came in looking for him and noticed the look on his face. Feeling her heart swell with sadness, she approached her son slowly. When she stood next to him she gently ran her fingers through his hair.

Fili's eyes broke away from the book and stared at his mother with a slightly dazed expression. She smiled softly.

"Hello mother." He mumbled tiredly.

"Can you not sleep, love?" She asked him in a soothing tone. Fili looked away from her, shifting his eyes back to the book. He had no intention of reading, as thoughts simply would not come into his head. He shrugged, not having the energy to answer, and Dis felt her heart tug. "You should see him."

He, of course, knew who she was talking about. There was no one else she could possibly mean, no one else who could fix the state he was in. A state that was his doing, and his alone.

"He misses you, you know." She told Fili.

He let out a shaky breath. "Did he say so." Not really a question. He did not picture Kili missing him, as much as he wanted to believe, he thought his brother must be angry with him, with how Fili had turned his back on him.

"He did not have to. As happy as he is with Tauriel, he has been sad. You were with him his entire life, I can not imagine that his heart will ever be completely full without you there." She once again ran her fingers through his hair. "Please go see your brother. I believe you will not regret it."

__

They did not live in Mirkwood. Fili did not imagine that Thranduil would want a dwarf living in his woods anymore than Thorin wanted a elf living in his mountain. Though the two kingdoms were living in peace, and promised the other aid when needed, that was obviously as far as the two were willing to go for the other. 

They lived in a well built cabin not too far from either the mountain, or the woods.

Fili imagined that the woodland prince came to visit his friend from time to time as well. 

He didn't know why he had listened to his mother, it was probably the worst idea he had caved to in a long while. But he had let himself sleep last night, and his dreams were of Kili dying in The Battle of Five Armies. He woke shaking, his heart in his throat and tears in his eyes. 

He had to see his brother, even if he did not forgive him, he could not go another day. 

He stood at the cabin door. A shake in his breath and hands, his stomach twisting and his heart pounding. He could only imagine Kili with his brows furrowing in disbelief and anger, with a scoff on his lips. How could he come here after the way he had treated him.

Fili swallowed hard and licked his dry lips, dark circles under his eyes, and his hair a little out of place. Or rather, all of him out of place, if he thought about it. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a breath. He raised his hand to knock... Let his hand hang in the air, for too many moments too long, before bringing his fist down to complete the action. And in his anxiety, knocking with way more force than he had intended to. 

He lowered his shaking fist, his knees trembling a bit and tried not to think about his brother slamming the cabin door in his face as soon as he saw him.

He was a little taken aback, however, when it was not his brother who answered the door, but the red-headed elf lass. Though, he honestly shouldn't have been that surprised, considering why Kili left in the first place.

She looked just as surprised to see him. 

She looked nicely groomed and relaxed. She had dwarven marriage beads braided into her hair and, almost over looked by Fili, a slightly rounded stomach. Almost.

"Fili? I wasn't expecting it to be you coming to visit," She commented softly. "Come in." She finished with a small smile.

Fili hesitated for a moment before, on a little wobbly of legs, stepping into the cabin.

As the elf -Tauriel, he now remembered -closed the door behind him, he looked around the house. He looked very comfortable and warm. It had a well lived in feeling to it, and was a decent size. 

Tauriel lead him to the dining room of the cabin and began boiling some water. "Have a seat." She offered politely. 

His stomach churned a little and he sat in the closest chair to his person.

"Where's Kili?" He question softly, getting right to the heart of the matter. Tauriel glanced at him with an odd elvish grace, before turning her eyes back to her task.

"He went out hunting. He should be back before long." She informed him. 

After that he couldn't really think of anything to say. A feeling of awkwardness fell about him. As much time as he dealt with elves in political matters in Erebor, he had no idea how to talk to Kili's... Wife? He felt his lips purse slightly. Yes, he supposed that is what she was to him now.

Which made her his sister in law. 

He glanced up at her and found her to be watching with her own eyes. He froze and found himself in a uncomfortable staring contest like situation.

"Why now?" She asked him after a moment or so. He blinked at her, his mouth falling slightly open. His slow of late brain refusing to process the question, the meaning, or where it had come from. But when he was able to realize the first two he was still at a loss for the third.

"Pardon?" He blurted. Tauriel tilted her head slightly, laid a hand gently on her stomach (an action that Fili could not help but follow with his eyes), and her expression softened.

"Why are you coming to visit now? I was under the impression that you were deeply shamed by Kili and I." She questioned, but her voice had lightened as she spoke.

Fili looked down at the table, lips pursing once again. That seemed to be becoming a habit lately. "It wasn't shame." He said so softly that she shouldn't of been able to hear him. 

However, she was an elf, so she heard him anyway.

"What was it?" She asked gently. He looked up at her, took a breath and answered.

"He was mine..." He paused, this was not something he wanted to explain. But he would. "He's my baby brother. I didn't care that you were an elf, not mostly anyway... You could have been a dwarf and it wouldn't of mattered. It's the fact that you're his One." He looked back down to the table again.

"I knew that if Kili ever got a One it wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't have him to myself anymore. It wouldn't be just me and him... He doesn't need me anymore. I know it's selfish, but I didn't want to share him. He was my Kili." He told her, ending on a note that sounded very childlike. And he felt like a child again as well, getting caught taking turns sneaking into one another's room with his brother, trying to whisper to each other late in the night until they fell asleep. Times where he and his brother needed the other at all times. 

Tauriel sat down in the chair next to him, taking his hand, causing him to look her in the eyes. "He's still your Kili. He will always be your brother, and he will always need you. Maybe not in the same way, but things always change as we get older." She told him. He felt it sounded rather empty coming from someone who neither aged any longer, nor could die naturally.

He stood up, letting go of her hands. He walked to the dining room window, and looked at the trees. He could no longer bring himself to say anything to her, he didn't know what to say. He didn't think he could believe what she was was saying. He still didn't even know if his brother was mad at him.

Tauriel didn't say anything either. If she decided to leave him to his own thoughts, or just decided to drop the subject, he didn't know. But he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue the conversation either way. The water was done boiling and she set three cups of tea at the table, not that Fili was paying her any attention, now feeling rather caught up in his thoughts.

Suddenly, the sound of the front door opening was heard, and Fili felt his heart speed up once again, and he wasn't sure if he was breathing properly. His eyes had widened, feeling like a deer caught in torchlight. He hadn't even realized that his whole body had turned at speed towards the direction of the door.

"Tauri?" He heard Kili's voice as the door shut, and he felt his heart stop for a second. He hadn't heard his brother's voice in so long. He couldn't even remember the last thing his brother had even said to him.

"In here. We have a visitor." She answered. But Fili didn't turn to look at her, he couldn't move. His body had wound so tight, he couldn't even shake anymore.

Then he appeared in the doorway to the dining room, fresh kill on his back, brown hair a mess. His cheeks were slightly red from the wind outside, his boot covered in mud.

His brother froze to a complete stop when he saw Fili. Eyes going wide and his lips parting. He looked as if he wasn't sure what he was seeing was real or not. Fili's eyes locked to Kili's and he could not look away. It had been just as long since he'd seen his brother's actual face, and he could not tear away from it, trying to keep this in his memory to erase the dreams from last night.

Then Kili suddenly moved at once. Instantly dropping the kill in the doorway, all but running at his brother. And before Fili even knew what was happening, Kili's arms were locked tightly around him in an embrace that was nearly crushing. 

Fili released a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding as he felt tears spring into his eyes. He'd been expecting anger, disbelief, insults, being told to leave. Anything but this. 

Anything but instant forgiveness.

Fili raised his arms and returned the embrace with just as much force and desperation. He felt a sob escape his lips as he buried his face in Kili's neck, and felt tears fall from his eyes for the first time in years.

Neither let go for a long moment, and Fili really didn't want to. He finally felt like he was home. Not in Erebor, not in the cabin, but here, with his brother.

"I missed you so much." He heard Kili whisper. He only held on tighter.

__

Fili had gone to visit his brother as often as he could.

He had started to get real sleep without his dreams haunting him at every turn. He started to feel healthier, though he missed having his brother at his side constantly, this was better than not having Kili at all.

As he got better, he started to realize how little he'd actually been eating as well. He didn't know how he had managed to go two years in that condition. 

Eventually Thorin went to see Kili. 

Kili had not instantly forgiven Thorin. And even after things cooled down between them, and Thorin allowed Tauriel and Kili to visit in Erebor, he still insisted that she not live there. Kili shrugged it off, having become very fond of their little cabin.

And after some time it became very obvious, even though Fili already figured it out, that Tauriel was pregnant. Kili was grinning like an idiot when he announced it. Tauriel had a gentle and patient smile on her face, as Kili got a little too excited, showing his childish side.

After a while Fili asked Kili why he forgave him as he did when he didn't forgive Thorin as easily.

"I know you Fili. I knew why you acted the way you did. I couldn't do anything to get you to come to me, and realize that I wasn't leaving you forever. So I just decided to wait for you. We said we'd always have each other. And we still do." Kili told him. 

Fili couldn't bring himself to say anything, so he just hugged his brother instead.

After Kili's little girl was born he and Tauriel became rather busy, and most of the visits consisted in the cabin. She was utterly adorable, even though she looked strange, with her big elvish ears and peach fuzzy face. When Fili met her for the first time and she looked at him with Kili's same brown eyes, he felt his heart melt. And he knew he would never let anyone harm his niece. Not if he had anything to say about it.

Unfortunately, not long after his beloved niece was born, it set Thorin off on a new mission. He wanted Fili to find a nice dwarrowdam, and have beautiful heirs for the line of Durin. 

As the months went by he had met himself a handful a dwarf maids. All were nice enough. Not hard on the eyes, they had good personalities. One had even become a close friend to him after a time.

But his heart would not open to a single one. He was not sure he would be able to see them as his One. He considered maybe marrying his dear friend, just to please Thorin.

But as he sat on the chair outside his brother's cabin, watching the snow fall in slow swirls, he had a feeling, deep inside his heart, that he was not going to marry his One, that day would never come about. He could not claim to be happy with his life, no, not with how incomplete he felt. But he knew what it was to be miserable, and he couldn't claim that either anymore. 

He was fine with being content in his life. Helping Thorin in Erebor, seeing his mother spoil here granddaughter. He, himself giving her tons of affection. And visiting his brother, any time he had the chance. 

Because they would always have each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I did not name the baby. I don't know Middle-Earth names. You can name her if you'd like.
> 
> Anyways. My first posted on this site. I haven't written/finished anything in six years. I don't generally write fanfiction, as a rule (I get too out of character). I mostly stick to original work, but I haven't done that in, as I said, six years. 
> 
> Been longer since I wrote fanfiction.
> 
> So, forgive me if this is rusty. Or just completely bad in general. It has barely been spell checked, but that's about it, so there are probably a lot of errors. I seriously typed all this in a little over two hours.
> 
> I have ideas of a series attached to this, but I doubt I'll do them.
> 
> I figured if I did a fanfiction, it would be Fili-Centric. I absolutely love Fili-Centric stories, and whenever I thought of stories they centered around Fili.
> 
> I have to thank PadBlack. (I don't know how to tag people)
> 
> She's the reason I'm writing this, she kinda talked me into writing something. So if it's good, you can thank her too. If it's bad, then you can blame her. :b (I'm honestly assuming gender by this point)
> 
> I honestly didn't expect to write this. I started up my wordpad thinking 'Hey, let's try something Fili. I'll probably get a few words down and get stuck.'
> 
> Nope, it came pouring out of me, and I could not stop.
> 
> So, you guys are reading the spilled milk of my finger tips. Don't cry over it. 
> 
> Hope it's not too bad.
> 
> I personally got a little emotional writing this, but I did put some of my own personal feelings into it, so, yeah.
> 
> Let me know if you see any mistakes, I'll try and fix them.
> 
> You don't have to be gentle, but it would be nice.
> 
> (Hopefully it isn't too out of character)


End file.
